Five Year Old Interview.

I just came across this interview I did with my then girlfriend, now wife, Makeal Flammini. I enjoyed re-reading it enough to share here. 

Artist. Inventor. Math-Wiz. Boyfriend.

We are seated in our room.

MF: I see you are wearing new glasses. Are you going for a Malcolm X look?

CM: Not really. I just got sick of the glasses I've had for the last 12 years. Plus they have
        been broken and taped together for the last 10 months.

MF: Those black frames are pretty popular now too. Would you say you're a trend setter?

CM: No. Well, if people start ripping the sleeves off of dress shirts and all their
        buttons go missing I guess I could be.

MF: It is hard times out there. You never know.

CM: I'm a trend setter for a struggling economy.

MF: Am I your girlfriend?

CM: Yep.

MF: How's that?

CM: Pretty good.

MF: Just  pretty good?

CM: Yeah.

MF: Ok. So...What's up?

CM: You didn't  prepare a lot of questions for this interview huh?

MF: I'll ask the questions here. So you're going back to Ireland in a few weeks? Tell me about that?

CM: I'm doing an artist residency at the Cow House Studios in Wexford, Ireland for 2 months. I'll
        probably keep working on my invention drawings and imagining what the inside of
        Cheyenne     Mountain looks like.

MF: What is Cheyenne Mountain?

CM: I think it's the most secure place in the country. It is a mountain bunker that is hollowed out that has at least 14 buildings in it that can withstand nuclear blasts, natural disasters and other things.

MF: Who's is it?

CM: I don't know but the U.S. and the Canadian Military are involved. I just started researching it.

MF: Do you think I am pretty?

CM: Yes.

MF: Can you elaborate on that?

CM: You are a very pretty sexy interviewer.

MF: How come you don't get me a Cheyenne Mountain?

CM: You bet on the wrong horse I guess.

MF: Have you ever been in a fist fight?

CM: Just once.

MF: What happened?

CM: No comment.

MF: Was it over a girl?

CM: (shakes head yes)

MF: Come on!

CM: Is this an interview or an interrogation?

MF: What's the difference? Would you fight for me?

CM: Yes. I hope I would.

MF: Do you think I am a good fighter?

CM: I've heard you're not.

MF: From who?

CM: You.

MF: When did I tell you I was a bad fighter?

CM: You said you tried punching a girl in high school and she just laughed at you.

MF: NO. I said I was fighting her and when I tried to knee her because my friend was yelling at me to   do that she started laughing at me and then she beat me up. So what are you working on at the moment?

CM: Starting a drawing for an upcoming JustSeeds show at Munch Gallery in New York this December. And.. throwing a lot of darts at my wall.

MF: What are you into lately?

CM: Well. I was just thinking about Ian Davis's paintings. I've been thinking a lot about toys and games lately. I went to KMART the other day trying to figure out ways to use them. But they are all too fucking expensive.

MF: What have you done this summer?

CM: We came back from Ireland then I started the summer by doing electrical work with my dad for the Jefferson County Fair. I recently made a carnival game that went to an exhibition in Braddock,  pennsylvania. It is called "American Dreaming." It's a ring toss game about class mobility.

MF: What do you think about the upcoming election?

CM: Ugh. That's kind of my answer. American elections are gross.

MF: Do you vote?

CM: Yep. But thats about it as far as energy I like to spend on electoral politics.

MF: But you make a lot of political work?

CM: Yes but  politics doesn't mean electoral politics.

MF: So what are you?

CM: Human.

MF: Human in this country means Democrat or Republican.

CM: Neither.

MF: If you were not an artist what would you be?

CM: I think I would be either a carpenter or an electrician.

MF: You are a good builder. Is it true that in High School they called you Colin Math-Whiz?

CM: Dirty. Yeah that is true. It might have been in grade school. In High School you don't really get math nicknames. 

MF: So you were selected to be in New American paintings this year! Thats exciting. Does it make you feel good?

CM: It sounds like you're interviewing a 5-year-old.

MF: So... you were happy or...

CM: Yes. I was happy. I listened to Neil Young's "Le-Noise" album today. That was good.

MF: I didn't ask you that.

CM: Just telling you.

MF: Do you want to watch Game of Thrones?

CM: Later. Do I get editing rights to this?

MF: No.

To see Colin Matthes work go to

To see the interview in its original form with photos, etc: